It has lovingly been pointed out to me that sometimes, I'm not so nice to myself. As my therapist says, "maybe you can show the same compassion and generosity to yourself that you give your clients." Which, RUDE, but also, that's not as easy as it sounds. Anyone who has ever been asked "would you treat a friend this way" knows that!! So we spent the majority of my session brainstorming concrete ways to be kind to myself and I thought I'd share that list in case any of it is useful for you.
Resist the thought process that says "I will do this thing to take care of myself AFTER my work is done."
Schedule in time to take care of myself, even if it is only for five minutes.
Shrug your shoulders up to your ears and let them down again to release tension at the desk.
Spend pom breaks NOT on Twitter
Use focus blockers like Forest on my phone to help me NOT scroll instagram endlessly when I could be relaxing in another way
Make plans with friends and keep them
Respect bedtime whenever possible
Literally, outloud if possible, or written down, congratulate myself for making it through hard days, even if I didn't do them (especially if I didn't do them) perfectly
Offer myself as many fresh starts as I need without numbering them
Visualize my health bar (like in a video game) and imagine filling it up with things that make me feel good
Take deep breaths
Close my door and meditate, even for 5 minutes, when I feel squirrelly
"Doing hard things feels hard, and that is NOT a sign that I don't know what I'm doing."
"I will allow myself to be intermediate at this task, because intermediate is better than not at all."
Drink water (or at least, have some water with your coffee)
Check in with people I trust about how I seem to be doing and adjust my perceptions accordingly (ie, if people I trust tell me that I'm doing okay, I try not to then say BUT YOU DON'T KNOW I AM ACTUALLY A TRASH PANDA and allow for the possibility that I am not seeing clearly)
Make a list of all the things that are working, and that I'm grateful for
"I will not punish myself in the present for choices I made in the past that I cannot fix or change. I will remind myself that I tried to make the best decisions I could with the information I had at any given time, and the best I can do is the best I can do."
"What if you tried again?"
"What would make this feel more fun?"
Writing down a list of all the reasons why a project is important
Drafting the acknowledgements for the project I'm working on to reconnect with all the people, spaces, and resources who are helping me finish it
Ten minutes to stomp my feet and listen to angry music and acknowledge that sometimes, things are really hard and that's not my fault.
Allowing myself to change the plans or the schedule if I need to
Communicating clearly with people about when things need to change so that I am not worried about people "catching me" being late with something
Not cancelling plans or activities that are "fun" or "frivolous" or extra just because I didn't make a goal or meet a deadline.
Visualizing all my "tough energy" - anxiety, sadness, frustration, anger at myself, guilt, shame, whatever - as a cute monster that wants my attention. I ask it to sit in the chair next to me as I write, or better yet, wait outside of my office until I'm done and then I can attend to it. But it's really hard when that is sitting on my lap as I work. So I literally picture pulling a chair up next to me and asking it to sit there. It works!
Being kind to ourselves is such a hard thing to put into practice because it's a very big abstract idea that needs to be done in many, tiny, concrete ways.