Sometimes, I get in my own head. Life happens to me, like it happens to all of us. I had a bit of a slow start to this year. And all I could think about was how I didn't have the time for any of the hard stuff because it was the new year and I had to start working on my new year goals. If I didn't get a good start in January, I'd be off all year and if I didn't hold myself accountable, no one else was going to. I was so worried that if I took care of myself and showed myself some compassion for what were pretty understandable feelings, I would fall into a pattern of only ever excusing myself out of important things. I wouldn't do anything because I cut myself too much slack.
Many of my clients struggle with this same thing, and in fact, it could be part of the human condition:
"If I take the day off to heal from being sick, what if I never get back to work?"
"If I let myself extend this deadline, what will stop me from extending all my other deadlines until deadlines have no meaning to me?"
"If I don't hold myself to my high standard all the time, I will permanently lower my standards and that will be a disaster."
One of my favorite Instagram Follows - Lisa Olivera - is a therapist and last week, she posted a bunch of really interesting prompts showing how self-compassion and accountability can, in her words, dance together. As she says, "Offering ourselves compassion while also being willing to take care of ourselves through being accountable to our well-being and our needs is a really nourishing way of reparenting, caring for, and also getting shit done." Here are some of my favorite examples she points to:
Self-compassion: It makes so much sense why this is so challenging for me.
Accountability: What next step feels in my reach to make it a little bit easier in this moment?
Self-compassion: It's okay to need a break sometimes. It's okay to need rest and time off/time out.
Accountability: When I feel ready, what would feel supportive in getting started again?
Self-compassion: It's understandable that I forget to use my self-soothing (Katy note: and also work, productivity, and planning!) tools at times.
Accountability: Is there anything that would make them more accessible to me when I need them?
We can realize that we're human, and offer ourselves some understanding and compassion for that AND also be looking for ways to support ourselves. We can have off days and not beat ourselves up for that AND also look at what caused those days and what might feel more supportive next time. We can take a break when we need it AND commit to checking in with ourselves about when we're ready to work again.
The point is that the shame and the guilt and the pain and the fear that we add to the situation doesn't usually support us. It adds sticky feelings to the hard stuff we're already going through. What if we tried to be accountable to our goals, our values, ourselves AND understood that we wil necessarily do that in a human way because we are humans?
We've all got this - not in spite of the fact that we're human, but because of it.