"I got it done, and it went really well, but I was definitely working up until the last minute"
"I hate that I was rushing, but I guess I did finish it!"
"Yeah, this went really well, but next time, I want to be done at least a week before."
Now, don't get me wrong - I'm not advocating that everyone stop pushing before deadlines, or that there's anything noble about staying up all night! What I'm saying is:
There is no one way of working that is inherently "good" or "correct" or "desirable", just as there is no "bad" way of working. There's just working, and what it does for you, and your life.
So for years and years, I have felt guilty that I write mostly on deadlines. I will have a course, or a blog post, or something that's due, and I will get it done in time, but if I have three weeks to write it, I will start it ....closer to the deadline, and not the instant it is on my to do list. So I'll get it done, and it will go well, and I'll like it, and people will like it, and I can't be 100% happy with that, just because I didn't "spread it out".
Every accomplishment came with a "but next time" clause: this was great, but next time I'll start earlier; this worked well and I'm proud, but also I wish I wasn't like this.
And as I got to know myself and my work habits better, I realized that a lot of my guilt and shame around some of my working habits were because I believed that I was getting the results, but I wasn't doing it the right way, or the good way. Good people start their work early! Good students study ahead of time and never cram! The right way to work is a little bit every day and have lots of time before the deadline! So no matter what the data said, I felt like I could always do better because I wasn't doing it the right way.
Now, sometimes, I cut it *very* close to the deadline. And it makes me stress, and I lose sleep, and I crash afterwards, and I'm a total crank to everyone around me. And that is a very good reason to try and start a little earlier! But "because good people always finish ahead of time" is a less good reason that invites a lot more guilt into my life.
And as I work with my own brain, and neurodiverse clients, and just the people of the world, I realize that we have a lot of shame around not doing things the "right way". So someone could be working really well, and really efficiently, prepping the two hours before a class meets, but they'll feel bad about it (despite the evidence!) because they're rushing. Or they'll take all the distractions out of a room because that's what "focus" feels like, when in fact they get the best work and thinking done while old episodes of The Great British Bake Off play in the background. Sometimes, the "good way" just doesn't work for you, and you carry this idea that even though your way is working in all the ways that count, it still isn't right.
So, I've gotten better at asking myself a few questions to get at the heart of what I want to change, and more importantly, why I want to change them. These questions can help you, too, as you do monthly reflections, or end of semester reflections, or any other kind of reflection you might want to do <3 As always, take what's useful and leave the rest!
What really worked about this (process, project, outcome)?
What didn't work as well?
How do you know it didn't work as well? What are you noticing, measuring, or noting?
What data do you have that points in a different direction, that things are working well?
What do you think would be a different or alternate way of attempting this, or a similar, task?
What do you think the advantages of the alternate way would be?
Why do you think those are advantages?
How will you know if the new way is doing what you want it to?