it’s really hard to hatch out of an egg.
i mean, i’m not a bird. so i don’t know that for certain in an “embodied i did this way” but i do in a metaphorical way.
imagine you’re in an egg. you’re cramped, and you know you have to get out but….how??? everywhere you feel, it’s hard hard shell, and also you’re still a baby bird and you’re not that strong yet!!! how do you get from inside to outside?
scientifically speaking - many birds have an “egg tooth” on their beak that they use to create weak spots in the shell, and then they slowly, chaotically, enlarge that weak spot. but, mostly, as you can see - it’s a chaotic, instinctual process.
we spend a lot of time valorizing efficiency, planning, and effectiveness - and i get it! being all of those things are great. and i’m certainly not saying don’t plan! but it’s really hard how to plan exactly how to get out of an egg when you’re inside of it.
and as a graduate student, it’s really hard to plan exactly how you will write a dissertation chapter without starting it. you can read all the books about how to write a chapter, how to structure your time, how to organize your sources, but all of that information stays in the theoretical realm. some of it might end up to be useful, some of it could be irrelevant, but if you keep reading until you feel ready to do, it’s hard to know what is what.
but you DO have an egg tooth - you are a smart person! you’ve gotten this far! you’ve got skills and knowledge and you do know things! maybe not these exact things, but you’re not starting from zero. so my best advice is:
thrash around. move in whatever way makes the most sense for where you are right now - there’s no perfect way to hatch! but you will break through eventually - and then you can work on enlarging the way out from there. trashing feels erratic and chaotic, but it’s movement.
and the best news about movement? it, by its very nature, makes you stronger. a chick gains muscle tone as it presses up against the shell - the growth is painful and i’m sure scary for that little buddy, but what a way to change and grow in a rapid way. no one says to that chick “well, you could have saved some time if you had hatched in this way” - they say “good job hatching little buddy!!!”.
obviously you can always learn through reading, through research, through observation. but you can also learn through doing, trying, thrashing, failing, messing up, redirecting, tweaking, and starting again. it’s hard to imagine the world outside the egg when you’re still in it. it’s hard to imagine how you’ll be at the next level of your scholarship, your human life, when you’re learning how to do it. and it’s natural in the face of the unknown to try and learn as much as you can before you get there, but sometimes, it’s faster, and maybe even a little more fun, to follow your instincts, thrash a bit, and get out of the shell.